The Comings of Cousin Ann — Context and Discussion

Ryeville had rather prided itself on having the same population--about three thousand--for the last fifty years. That is the oldest inhabitants had, but the newer generation was for expansion in spite of tradition, and Ryeville awoke one morning, after the census taker had been busying himself, to find itself five thousand strong and still growing.

There was no especial reason for the growth of the little town, save that it lay in the heart of rolling blue-grass country and people have to live somewhere. And Ryeville, with its crooked streets and substantial homes, was as good a place as any. There were churches of all denominations, schools and shops, a skating rink, two motion picture houses and as many drug stores as there had been barrooms before prohibition made necessary a change of front. There were two hotels--one where you "could" and one where you "couldn't." The former was frequented by the old men of the town and county. It stood next to the courthouse. Indeed its long, shady porch overlooked the courthouse green. There the old men would sit with chairs tilted against the wall and feet on railing and sadly watch the prohibition officers hauling bootleggers to court.

There were a great many old men in Ryeville and the country around--more old men than old women, in spite of the fact that that part of Kentucky had furnished its quota of recruits for both Union and Rebel armies.

In Kentucky, during the war between the states, brother had been pitted against brother--even father against son. The fact that the state did not secede from the Union had been a reason for the most intense bitterness and ill feeling among families and former friends. The bitterness was gone now and ill feeling forgotten. The veterans of the blue and the gray sat on the Rye House porch together, swapping tales and borrowing tobacco as amicably as though they had never done their best to exterminate one another.

"As for Abe Lincoln," declared Major Fitch, an ancient confederate, "if it hadn't been for him Gawd knows what we'd 'a' had to talk about in these dry days. I tell you, sah, we ought to be eternally grateful to Abe Lincoln. I for one am. I was a clerk in a country store when the war broke out and I'd 'a' been there yet if it wasn't for the war. I'm here to say it made me and made my fam'ly. We were bawn fighters--my fo' brothers and I--and up to the sixties we were always in trouble for brawling. The war came along and made a virtue of our vices. My mother used to be mighty 'shamed when she heard we were called the 'Fighting Fitches.' That was befo' the war, and one or the other of us boys was always up befo' the co't for wild carrying on. But, bless Bob, when we were called 'Fighting Fitches' for whipping the Yankees the old lady was as pleased as Punch."

"What did they call ye fer not bein' able to whup us?" asked a grinning old giant from the mountains.

"Nothin'--'cause we were able. All we needed was mo' men and mo' food and mo' guns. We'd 'a' licked the spots off of you Yanks if we had had a chance. You wouldn't stand still long enough to get whipped."

So the talk went on, day in and day out. Battles were fought over and over but never finished. They always ended with a draw and could be resumed the next morning with added zest and new incidents. One old man, Pete Barnes, who had the distinction of being the only private who frequented the porch at Rye House, always claimed to have been present at every battle mentioned--even Bunker Hill and the battle of New Orleans.

"Yes sirree, I was there; nothin' but a youngster, but I was there!" he would assert. "There wasn't a single battle the Fo'th Kentucky Volunteers didn't get in on an' the Johnny Rebs would run like hell when they heard we were comin'. I tell you when we got them a goin' was at Fredericksburg in '62--must have been 'bout the middle of December. We beat 'em even worse than we did at Chickamauga the following year."

"Aw dry up, Pete. You know perfectly well the Yanks got licked at both of those battles," a jovial opponent would declare, but Pete Barnes was as sure his side had won as he was that he had been present at the surrender of Cornwallis and there was no use in trying to persuade him otherwise.

The Rye House faced on Main Street and nothing happened on that thoroughfare that escaped the oldsters on the porch. If anything was going on all they had to do was move their chairs from the side porch to the front, whether it was a circus parade or a funeral, or just Miss Ann Peyton's rickety coach bearing her to Buck Hill, which was the first large farm the other side of the creek, the dividing line between Ryeville and the country. There were several small places but Buck Hill the only one of importance.

On a morning in June the old men sat on the porch as usual, with feet on railing and chairs tilted to the right angle for aged backbones. Nothing much had happened all morning. The sun was about the only thing that was moving in Ryeville and that had finally got around to the side porch and was shining full on Colonel Crutcher's outstretched legs.

"I reckon we'd better move," he said wearily. "Th'ain't much peace and quiet these days, what with the sun."

"Heat's something awful," agreed Pete Barnes, "but it ain't a patchin' on what it was at Cowpens."

"Cowpens!" exclaimed a necktie drummer who was stopping at the Rye House for a day or so, "I thought Cowpens was a battle fought between the United States and the English back in 1781."

"Sure, sure!" agreed Pete, "I was a mere lad, but I was there."

"It was in January, too," persisted the drummer.

"Of course, but we made it so hot for the--for the other side that this June weather is nothin' to it."

There was a general laugh and moving of chairs out of the rays of the inconsiderate sun.

"By golly, we're just in time," said Colonel Crutcher. "There comes Miss Ann Peyton's rockaway. Where do you reckon she's bound for?"

"Lord knows, but I hope she's not in a hurry," said Judge Middleton--judge from courtesy only, having sat on no bench but the anxious bench at the races and being a judge solely of horses and whiskey. "Did you ever see such snails as that old team? Good Golddust breed too! Miss Ann always buys good horses when she does buy but to my certain knowledge that pair is eighteen years old. Pretty nigh played out by now but I reckon they'll outlast old Billy and Miss Ann."

"I reckon the old lady has to do some scrimpin' to buy a new pair," said Major Fitch. "By golly, I remember when she was the best-looking gal in the county--or any other county for that matter. She was engaged to a fellow in my regiment--killed at Appomattox. She had more beaux than you could shake a stick at, but I reckon she couldn't get over Bert Mason. She wasn't much more than a child when the war broke out, but the war aged the girls as it did the boys."

"I hear tell Miss Ann is on the move right smart lately," ventured Pete Barnes.

"So they tell me," continued Major Fitch. "I tell you, havin' comp'ny now isn't what it used to be, what with wages up sky-high and all the niggers gone to Indianapolis and Chicago so there aren't any to pay even if you had the money, and food costin' three times what it's wuth. I reckon it is no joke to have Miss Ann a fallin' in on her kin nowadays with two horses that must have oats and that old Billy to fill up besides."

"Yes, and Little Josh tells me Miss Ann is always company wherever she stays," said the Judge. "He wasn't exactly complaining but just kind of explaining. You see his wife, that last one, just up and said she wouldn't and she wouldn't. I reckon Miss Ann kind of wore out her welcome last time she was there because she came just when Mrs. Little Josh was planning a trip to White Sulphur and Miss Ann wouldn't take the hint and the journey had to be put off and then the railroad strike came along and Little Josh was afraid to let his wife start for fear she couldn't get back. Mrs. Little Josh is as sore as can be about it and threatens if Miss Ann comes any more that she will invite all of her own kin at the same time and see which side can freeze out the other. The old lady hasn't been there this year and she hasn't been to Big Josh's either. Big Josh's daughters have read the riot act, so I hear, and they say if their old cousin comes to them without being invited they are going to try some visiting on their own hook and leave Big Josh to do the entertaining. They say he is great on big talk about family ties and the obligations of kinship but that they have all the trouble and when their Cousin Ann Peyton visits them he simply takes himself off and leaves them to do the work. Big Josh lives up such a muddy lane it's hard to keep servants."

Miss Ann's lumbering carriage had hardly reached the far corner when the attention of the old men on the porch was arrested by a small, low-swung motor car of the genus runabout. No doubt its motor and wheels had been turned out of a factory but the rest of it was plainly home made. It was painted a bright blue. The rear end might have applied for a truck license, as it was evidently intended as a bearer of burdens, but the front part had the air of a racer and the eager young girl at the wheel looked as though she might be more in sympathy with the front of her car than the back. Be that as it may, she was determined not to let her sympathies run away with her but, much to the delight of the dull old men on the Rye House porch, she stopped her car directly in front of them and carefully rearranged a number of mysterious-looking parcels in the truck end of her car.

"Hiyer, Miss Judith?" called Pete Barnes. The girl must stop her engine to hear what the old man was saying.

"What is it?" she called back gaily.

"Fine! Hiyer, yourself?" she laughed pleasantly, although stopping the engine entailed getting out and cranking, since her car boasted no self-starter.

All of the old men bowed familiarly to the girl and indulged in some form of pleasantry.

"Bootlegging now, or what are you up to?" asked Major Fitch.

"Worse than that--perfumes and soaps, tooth pastes and cold creams, hair tonics and henna dips, silver polish and spot removers--pretty near everything or a little of it; but I'm going to come call on all of you when I get my wares sorted out."

"Do! Do!" they responded, but she was in and off before they could say more.

"Gee, that's a pretty girl!" exclaimed the necktie drummer.

"I reckon she is," grunted Colonel Crutcher, "pretty and good and sharp as a briar and quick as greased lightning. There isn't a girl like her anywhere around these parts. I don't see what the young folks of the county are thinking about, leaving her out of all their frolics."

"Well, you see--" put in another old man.

"Yes, I see the best-looking gal of the bunch and the spunkiest and the equal of any of them and the superior of most as far as manners and brains are concerned, just because she comes of plain folks--"

"A little worse than plain, Crutcher," put in Judge Middleton. "Those Bucks--"

"Oh, then she lives at Buck Hill?" asked the drummer.

"Buck Hill! Heavens man! The Bucknors live at Buck Hill and are about the swellest folk in Kentucky. The Bucks live in a little place this side of Buck Hill. There's nobody left but this Judy gal and her mother. I reckon their place would have gone for debt if it hadn't so happened that the trolley line from Louisville cut through it and they sold the right of way for enough to lift the mortgage. They do say that the Bucknors and Bucks were the same folks originally but that was in the early days and somehow the Bucks got down and the Bucknors staid up. Now the Bucknors would no more acknowledge the relationship to the Bucks than the Bucks would expect them to."

"I should think anybody would be proud to claim kin with a peach like that girl," said Major Fitch. "Her mother is a pretty good sort too, but slow. I reckon when they get cousinly inclined they always think of old Dick Buck, Judy's grandfather, who was enough to cool the warmest feelings of kinship."

Nodding assent to the Major's remark, the veterans lapsed into sleepy silence.

Cousin Ann at Buck Hill

"Here comes Cousin Ann!" It was a wail from the depth of Mildred Bucknor's heart.

"Surely not!" cried her mother. "There are lots of other places for her to visit before our turn comes again. There's Uncle Tom's and Cousin Betty's and Sister Sue's, and Big Josh and Little Josh haven't had her for at least a year. Are you sure, Mildred?"

"It looks like the old rockaway and Uncle Billy's top hat," said Mildred. "It is too much to bear just when we are going to have a house party! Mother, please tell her it isn't convenient this June and have her go on to Big Josh's."

"Oh, my dear, you know Father wouldn't hear of my doing that. Maybe it isn't she after all. Nan, climb up on the railing and see if that could be Cousin Ann Peyton's carriage coming along the pike and turning into the avenue."

"Well, all I have to say is if it is her--"

"She," corrected her mother.

"Her carriage. Wait until I finish my sentence, Mother, before you correct me," and the girl climbed on the railing of the front porch where the ladies of the Bucknor family were wont to spend the summer mornings. Clinging to one of the great fluted columns she tiptoed, trying to peer through the cloud of limestone dust that enveloped the approaching vehicle.

"It's her all right and I don't care what kind of grammar I use to express my disgust," and Nan jumped from the railing. "I don't see why--"

"Well, my dear, it can't be helped. You know how your father feels about his kin. Better run and tell Aunt Em'ly to send Kizzie up to get the guest chamber in order."

"Oh, Mother, you know it is in order. Nan and I have been busy up there all morning getting it ready for the girls. We've even got flowers all fixed and clean bureau scarves and everything," said Mildred, trying not to weep.

"Yes, and linen sheets. We thought you wouldn't mind, Mother, because you see Jean Roland is used to such fine doings, and this is her first visit to Kentucky. We know you have only three pairs of linen sheets but this seemed the psychological time to use them. I've a great mind to go yank them off the bed."

"But, Mother," pleaded Mildred, "couldn't we put old Cousin Ann Peyton in the little hall room? I can't see why she always has to have the guest chamber. She's no better than anybody else."

"What difference will it make to Father? He needn't even know where we put Cousin Ann."

"What do you think about it, Aunt Em'ly?" Mrs. Bucknor asked the lean old colored woman who appeared in the doorway. "Here comes Miss Ann Peyton, and the young ladies want to put her in the little hall bedroom because they have planned to put their company in the guest chamber?"

"Think! I think I'm a plum fool not ter have wrang the neck er that ol' dominick rooster yestiddy when he spent the whole day a crowin' fer comp'ny. I pretty nigh knowed we were in fer some kind er visitation."

"Maybe he was crowing for our house party," suggested Nan.

"No, honey, that there rooster don't never crow for 'vited comp'ny. Now if I had er wrang his neck he'd 'a' been in the pot, comp'ny or no, an' it 'ud cure him of any mo' reckless crowin'."

"But, Aunt Em'ly, what do you think about putting Miss Ann in the hall room?"

"Think! I think she'll git her back up an' that ol' Billy'll be shootin' off his mouf, but we-all done entertained Miss Ann an' ol' Billy an' them ca'ige hosses goin' onter three months already this year an' it's high time some er the res' of the fambly step up. What's the matter with Marse Big Josh? An' if he air onable what's the matter with Marse Lil Josh? Yassum, put her in the hall room an' 'fo' Gawd I'll make that ol' Billy keep his feet out'n the oven, if not this summer, nex' winter. He's the orneris' nigger fer wantin' ter sit with his feet in the oven."

"Then, Mother, may we keep the guest chamber for the girls? Please say yes!" begged Nan. "Aunt Em'ly thinks it is all right and you know you have always been telling us to mind Aunt Em'ly because she has such good judgment."

"Well, my jedgment air that Miss Ann oughter been occupewin' the hall room for some fifty year or mo', ever sence she an' that ol' Billy took ter comin' so reg'lar," said Aunt Em'ly. "If I had it ter do over I'd never 'a' let him git so free with his feet in the oven. The truf er the matter is, Miss Milly, that you an' Marse Bob Bucknor an' all yo' chilluns as well, long with all the res' of the fambly includin' of Marse Big Josh an' Marse Lil Josh, done accepted of Miss Ann Peyton an' ol' Billy an' the ca'ige hosses like they wa' the will of the Almighty. Well, now le's see if Miss Ann Peyton can't accept the hall room like it wa' the will er the Almighty an' if ol' Billy can't come ter some 'clusion that Gawd air aginst his dryin' out his ol' feet in my oven."

While this discussion was going on, the cloud of limestone dust had disappeared and from it had emerged a quaint old coach, lumbering and shabby, drawn by a pair of sleek sorrel horses, whose teeth would have given evidence of advanced age had a possible purchaser submitted them to the indignity of examining them. Their progress was slow and sedate, although the driver handled the reins as though it were with difficulty that he restrained them from prancing and cavorting as they neared the mansion.

Old Billy's every line, from his dented top hat to his well-nigh soleless boots, expressed dignity and superiority. He was quite sure that being coachman to Miss Ann Peyton gave him the right to wipe those worn boots on the rest of mankind.

"Look at that ol' fool nigger!" exclaimed Aunt Em'ly in disgust. "Settin' up there lookin' mo' like a monkey than a man in that long-tail blue coat with brass buttons an' his ha'r like cotton wool an' whiskers so long he haster wrop 'em. The onlies wuck that nigger ever does is jes' growin' whiskers."

"Oh, come now, Aunt Em'ly," remonstrated a young man who stepped from the study window on the porch as the old coach lumbered up the driveway, "Uncle Billy keeps his horses in better condition than any on our farm are kept. Poor old Uncle Billy!"

"Poor old Uncle Billy, indeed!" snapped Mildred. "I reckon, Brother Jeff, you'd say poor old Cousin Ann, too."

"Of course I would. I can't think of any person in the world I feel much sorrier for."

"Well, I can. I feel lots sorrier for Nan and me with our house party on hand and Cousin Ann turning up for the second time since Christmas. It's all well enough for you and Father to be so high and mighty about honoring the aged, and blood being thicker than water and so on. You don't have to sleep with Cousin Ann, the way Nan and I do sometimes."